Can you rekindle love in a relationship?

"Will I fail at my new job?"

Let's say you are starting a new job. As with some of my clients, you may be full of worry as to whether you will be able to perform well enough to live up to expectations - your own and your new boss' - and pass probation. You are immersed in your anxiety for the future.

Or you may be full of excitement as you imagine how wonderful it will be, how people will admire and respect you in your new position. You are immersed in your hope for the future.

The same applies to your personal relationships— your imagination and expectations of the future drive your intense emotions, whether in a marriage, partnership or romantic relationship.

But it doesn't make sense to expect to keep the same intensity of passion as in the beginning, throughout a long-term relationship. It's impossible because emotions change.

Your emotions are changing all the time, each day, many times during the day and even from moment to moment, as different things trigger you.

Can you imagine what it would be like if you were immersed in the same intense emotions over the entire course of your job, or your personal relationship? (For me, tiring!)

So if you want to rekindle the love you once felt in your relationship, the first step is to let go of the expectation that your relationship is broken because you don't feel the same way as you did in the beginning.

Because regardless of how intense your feelings are, these strong emotions naturally fade over time as your imagined future is replaced by the reality of the present, and familiarity sets in.

You might be thinking, "I get that, but the passion truly is gone in my marriage, and I feel empty and alone in the marriage." You may not want to leave the relationship, but just putting up with it isn’t the answer.

If this is you, here is the simple, practical 3-step formula to rekindling the love and passion in your relationship:

1. Admire Your Partner: Think back and re-discover what you used to admire about your partner. There was a time when you loved certain things about them, the same reasons why you chose them as your partner. Take note of and make effort to appreciate those qualities again - and let your partner know how you admire in them.

2. Show You Need Them: People want to feel needed. Let your partner know how much you you need them in your life - both for small tasks, and in more meaningful ways. Make them feel special, like they are the only one for you.

3. Use Physical Touch: Simple, consistent acts of physical touch can help bring back the loving feeling.

You can try simple gestures like touching their arm when you speak to them, hold their hand when you're sitting on the sofa or walking together, or giving them a hug in the morning. How about a quick peck on the cheek before leaving for work?

Let these small acts grow the feeling of love and passion over time. Of course, only use physical touch if your partner is open to it. If they push you away, respect their space.

Consistently and consciously practicing these 3 steps together will reignite the love and passion in your relationship. Start today and watch as your relationship transforms.

P.S.S. Our new group coaching program - Relationships That Work, for Home and Work - will be launching soon. It's designed to help you completely turn around all your relationships so you're happier at home and more successful at work. Watch this space!