How Likeable are you?
One crucial, less talked about life success factor is
Your Likeability score.
Impacting your:
Promotions
Raises
Job stability (i.e. keeping your job)
Job interviews
Network
Relationship status (including marriage, divorce)
Because Likeability is key to relationships with your:
Boss
Clients
Colleagues
Spouse
Parents
Kids
Friends
And therefore impacts your:
Mental and physical health
Level of success (however you define it)
Feeling of being connected / not alone
Happiness and satisfaction in life
I know this well because it was hammered into me growing up that I was unlikeable (i.e. unloveable).
So when I grew up, I chose partners who would continue this story, telling me I was a loser that no one would ever want. I lived in fear that people would find out that underneath that Likeable me, lived the real me - an unlikeable bitch.
I’ve done a LOT of work my spiritual mentor to get over the set of negative inner beliefs that held me back from:
Showing up confidently
Embracing (accepting) who I am
Making meaningful connections with the people around me
Taking full advantage of opportunities that come my way, without fear or hesitation
To figure out the answer to “Who am I.”
And to know I am always good enough.
Which is why I "get" Chris, my long time coaching client who reaches out to work with me at each pivotal point in her career.
Unlike with many of my clients, coaching with Chris only ever focused on her career (identifying her Superpower/USP, strategizing her career path and job hunt, re-designing her brand positioning/resume/interview pitch, getting her dream job, keeping that job), and never touched on her personal life.
But this time round we were dealing with the relationships she had with key colleagues at work. It was clear that these were not simply “work issues” - they were fundamental issues stemming from her ego identity, a lack of confidence, a distrust of others, and (as with most people) her trauma.
These impacted every aspect of how Chris showed up at work, and had a direct negative impact on her:
Promotions
Pay
Workload
Recognition
As well as her:
Feeling of being all alone
Inability to form close/meaningful connections
Lack of a supportive circle of friends
Chris’ personality could be best described as “prickly.” Her communication, practically every conversation, was centered around:
Complaints about pretty much everything - RESENTMENT, ANGER
Showing off how she is smarter than everyone else - EGO, JUDGEMENT, LOW SELF CONFIDENCE
Putting others down, because everyone else is stupid - EGO, JUDGEMENT, LOW SELF CONFIDENCE
Not very likeable.
But I knew this was not the real Chris.
The real Chris was hidden beneath those “unlikeable/unloveable” layers.
I texted her one day…
“I know that inside there is a lovable you that everyone likes.” (translation)
You can’t separate who you are inside from how you show up to the outside world.
You can’t separate your career from your personal life.
All of life is cause and effect.
Which is why I coach whole human beings, not job titles.
I see you.
I get you.
And I accept you.
The way I learned to accept myself, working with my spiritual mentor
Is how I learned to accept you.
For Chris to move forward and create the career she wants
She needs to transform from the inside out.
I created the Growth Coaching ModelTM to get my clients these results:
G - Goal setting
R - Recognize blockages
O - Outline opportunities
W - Weigh strategic solutions
T - Take action
H - Hold accountable
To see some change, you can focus on “Weigh strategic solutions” + “Take Action" + Hold accountable = execution. Skills, including Communication Skills, are a key part of the solution.
But for transformational, lasting change, for complete solutions that hit the core issue and are not superficial bandages - Goal setting, Recognize blockages, and Outlining Opportunities are critical.
Chris and I are ready to roll up our sleeves to do the work to re-write her life story.
She’s just sent me part 1 of her “homework” to remove the internal beliefs blocking her from what she wants in life.
Her goal is clear:
To be paid her worth / be promoted to her level of competence / have a seat at the table.
To have work that plays to her strengths.
To have an abundant life.
To be well liked at work
To have friends, have meaningful connections.
To be seen and heard.
To feel respected and valued
To be acknowledged and appreciated
To be Happy.
“Communication Skills” by itself - simply doesn’t cut it.
Be honest.
How well do you think you score on Likeability?
(What would your closest family / enemies say about you?)
Do you have a strong network of allies/mentors/supporters at work who have your back?
Do your kids, your partner want to spend time with you, share their innermost thoughts with you?
And if your answer is no…
There is a specific set of skills behind being likeable, skills that allow you to create the relationships that support your career success and personal happiness.
I spent years learning searching and learning, because my parents, my school teachers never taught me. And I teach what I learned in our Relationships That Work program.
Did anyone - your teachers or parents - ever teach you?
- Natalie
𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝟮 𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗺𝗲:
1. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗥𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗽 𝗰𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺 : I’m working on our next Relationships That Work Program intake, tentatively scheduled for October launch. If you’re interested to transform your home and work relationships to transform your life, DM me.
2. 𝟭:𝟭 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: I work with a highly select group of senior leaders to help you get the clarity, strategy and take action to create the life you want. I’m opening up 2 spots in September, DM me if you’re interested.
👋🏻 Say hello and connect
