What I did when I fell - literally

I always thought I was the only person with this fear.

I know it didn’t make sense, and it was even affecting my work.

But one day, while coaching a client who had a toxic, abusive boss, I shared my story to help her understand her situation.

I started with, “You’re going to think I’m absolutely crazy, but…”

Taylor responded excitedly, “That’s me too!”

In that moment, we bonded over our shared fear.

So, what’s this crazy fear?

Every time I (or my client, Taylor) heard my phone “ding” to announce a new message, my heart would jump.

Sometimes, I’d even physically startle.

In FEAR.

Yes, I had a lifelong fear of reading emails and text messages.

So much so, that I would delay opening them—sometimes for days—until I finally steeled myself to face whatever message was waiting.

My brain would tell me, “This must be my client saying...”

“You did a bad job.”

“You made a mistake.”

“They don’t want you anymore.”

Especially when I received evaluation feedback on my speaking and coaching work.

Even though the feedback was always positive—again and again, my clients tell me I was their highest-rated speaker and coach—my fear was still there.

Each time I opened an email or text message, I would let out a sigh of relief and think, “I’m safe.”

I held onto that fear for years.

The fear of REJECTION.

The fear of not being good enough.

The fear that I would somehow be “punished” because I was fundamentally flawed.

Even though my current reality was completely different.

That’s what fear is like.

For those of you who are fortunate enough to live in physically safe environments, fear often isn’t based on reality—it’s tied to something from your past.

For me, it came from an abusive childhood and continued with my marriages.

Rejection and fear were central to my life for far too long.

It was a long, long journey before I stopped being scared of people and of life.

But here’s the magic:

Once you understand your thoughts and your reality—

Once you see the gap between them—you can choose a new story, a new belief.

I am no longer the 5-year-old living in fear of another vicious beating—physical, verbal, or emotional.

I am no longer the “not good enough” spouse, deserving only of ridicule and manipulation.

Those situations were real—but they’re in the past.

They are not my current reality.

And here’s the truth:

You can choose to live in the present.

You can choose to respond to present situations in the present.

Most people continue to use emotional beliefs, patterns, and responses from the past to handle their present.

And that’s why they stay unhappy.

It’s also why their relationships don’t work.

But you ALWAYS have a choice.

The first step is awareness.

The second is understanding.

The third is strategic action - with the help of a guide..

I was fortunate to meet my own guide to help me walk out of the illusion of my fear and into the reality that is my light.

And now I act as that guide to help my clients walk out too.

This is also why it’s so hard to build relationships that work.

Think about the person you have the most difficulty handling, the one who riles you up the most.

You might think you’re having a conversation with them.

But in reality, you’re communicating with their trauma—just as they’re communicating with yours.

You know when someone reacts emotionally out of proportion, and you’re left scratching your head, thinking, “What just happened?”

Sometimes, it really isn’t about you at all.

In that conversation, you may have triggered their trauma.

This is why it’s so crucial to learn how to communicate deeply—from an emotional level up.

Pointing fingers at hard-to-handle people in your life might make you feel better.

But if you’re truly effective, you’re solving problems, not perpetuating them, or creating new ones.

As a leader, if you’re that skilled, you can communicate in a way that works, no matter the personalities, “flaws,” or trauma involved.

That’s how you achieve your goals—whether at work or in personal relationships.

All business boils down to people.

Every business is a people business.

And If you can nail your personal relationships, you’ll shine at work.

And because family, home, and those closest to you are often the hardest to deal with - if you learn how to nail your family relationships, you’ll be a whiz at dealing with your relationships at work.

Because for better or for worse, you’re the same you, at home and at work.

That’s exactly why we created our Relationships That Work program.

"Today, I had my first deep dive session with Natalie, and it was an incredible experience. She has an exceptional ability to analyze and address pain points in my family relationships just from my initial descriptions. Natalie is an outstanding listener and can quickly identify the core issues.

She helped me see how resolving a relationship was possible, even when I had lost hope and couldn’t pinpoint the problem. Her insights have been invaluable. I highly recommend anyone seeking clarity and resolution in their relationships to work with Natalie. Looking forward to learning more about Relationships That Work with her. 😊" — Karen T., Finance, Relationships That Work, January 2025 Cohort

P.S. If you’re one of my long-time clients reading this, now you know why I used to take SO LONG to respond to your emails and messages.

(Of course, sometimes I was genuinely crazy busy with work and travel!)

Have you noticed I usually respond faster now? 😉

Because I’ve worked through my fear and no longer trigger when I see your messages - fearless feels so good!

(And on the occasion something comes up that triggers, I know how to handle it.)

- Natalie

Here are 2 ways to work with me:

1. The Relationships That Work group coaching program. Our next cohort is tentatively scheduled for June 2025. If you’re interested to get the guidance, insight, clarity, accountability and support to be in the driver's seat of your life, DM me to be added to the waitlist.

2. 1:1 Leadership Coaching Program. I work with a highly select group of senior leaders to help them create the success and happiness they want in their careers and personal lives. This program is currently full. DM me if you’re interested to take one of our 3 May openings.

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