When Mother’s Day Feels… Complicated

𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗠𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿’𝘀 𝗗𝗮𝘆.

And you’re probably being flooded with newsletters and posts celebrating love, flowers, and gratitude.

Don’t get me wrong — I love my mother, and I hope my daughter feels the same about me too.

But today, I want to speak to those for whom this day feels… complicated.

A large number of my clients carry deep wounds tied to their mothers.

And if you’ve been reading my work for a while, you’ll know — I’ve had mine, too.

My mother loves me deeply, as I love her.

𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗵𝗮𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝘂𝗹𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀.

If this resonates — if you’re a mother yourself, or simply someone who has one — I want to say this clearly: 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗲.

I’ve seen it again and again in my coaching practice.

Clients who come to me for professional goals — a promotion, confidence to lead, navigating office politics — and we discover that some of their deepest work lies not in the boardroom, but in the childhood living room.

Take my client Janet.

She joined my 𝘙𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱𝘴 𝘢𝘵 𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘬 group program wanting to fix her strained relationship with her manager.

But in our group coaching session, she hesitantly chose to explore something else — her mother.

The session began with years of resentment.

Of being unloved.

Rejected.

Invisible.

But by the end of that one conversation, something extraordinary happened.

She reached a place of 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴.

She could finally see that her mother, while imperfect, did the best she could with the tools she had.

And from that place of clarity, Janet could finally 𝗹𝗲𝘁 𝗴𝗼 of the pain and the identity she’d carried her whole life: 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥.

Soon after, she texted me.

“We had dinner over the holidays. Usually, I dread it. But this time — for the first time — I didn’t carry the heaviness. It was just dinner. Nothing dramatic. Nothing triggering. Just… peaceful.”

That’s the power of doing the work of the foundational level.

What many high-achieving professionals don’t realize is this:

𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀 𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲.

•⁠ ⁠When you feel unseen by your boss…

•⁠ ⁠When you don’t speak up in meetings…

•⁠ ⁠Or when you swing to the other extreme — you dominate, interrupt, or attack…

It’s often not just about office dynamics.

It’s about 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘴, 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘴 — all deeply wired, often from our earliest family relationships.

𝗣𝘀𝘆𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆, 𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗻 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗮 𝗴𝗼𝗱𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗲 — 𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 and 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁, 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗲𝘁𝗲 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲.

So when that image doesn’t match reality, it can create lifelong pain — until we confront it.

𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜’𝘃𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱:

•⁠ ⁠Your mother is simply a human being, just like you. She did what she could with what she had.

•⁠ ⁠And if you’re a mother yourself — ask yourself, how perfect are 𝘺𝘰𝘶 as a parent?

𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝘁 𝗴𝗼 𝗼𝗳 𝘂𝗻𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 — 𝗼𝗳 𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝘃𝗲𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀 — 𝘄𝗲 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗹.

We finally start to see people for who they are, not just what we wished they’d be.

This is the work we do — unravelling the messy intersection between our professional life and our personal pain.

Because they are never really separate.

And once you begin to accept people as they are — your boss, your partner, your parents — you finally free yourself from the blame, resentment, guilt, and need for control.

That’s when your relationships start to 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 — at work, and at home.

It doesn’t happen overnight.

But it 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 happen.

And when it does, the transformation is nothing short of powerful.

𝗛𝗮𝗽𝗽𝘆 𝗠𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿’𝘀 𝗗𝗮𝘆 — 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁, 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝘂𝗺𝗮𝗻𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗶𝘁𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗲 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿.

-𝗡𝗮𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗲

𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝟮 𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗺𝗲:

1.⁠ ⁠𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗥𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗽 𝗰𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺 : Our next cohort is tentatively scheduled for July 2025. If you’re interested to get the guidance, insight, clarity, accountability and support to be in the driver's seat of your work and personal relationships, DM me.

2.⁠ ⁠𝟭:𝟭 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: I work with a highly select group of senior leaders to help them create the success and happiness they want in their careers and personal lives. I have 2 openings for June, DM me if you’re interested.

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