Your Choice - Victim or Victor?
So happy that Tae and Star, our family turtles, finally have a beautiful new home to match the rest of our home renovations (they’re happily swimming around in their new tank as I write).
Before we adopted them, Tae and Star’s entire lives were contained to a shallow tub where they couldn’t swim. It was a beautiful sight to see them swimming around when we gave them a big new tank.
Then, we brought them with us when when we moved back to Canada 3 years ago.
We had to pack them tightly in a small container so they couldn’t move while in cargo, and were relieved when they arrived safely with us at the airport in Vancouver, on April 12, 2022.
(When friends found out the airline charged us $5000 for their flight to join us, they asked why we didn’t just leave them behind?)
And… my mom grew up in an era where animals were animals and not pets. So when we all joined her in Vancouver, and she saw the work and cost involved to care for them, she would get upset:
What a nuisance!
You should give them away, and save that money for raising the humans in the family.
Better they were dead! Just leave them out on the street somewhere. (Said with much hatred)
She only stopped when one day I challenged her:
Would you leave your kids behind to save money??
If we were that kind of person, wouldn’t you be worried we’d abandon you one day?
And…
They can hear, they can feel. How do you think they feel when you say you keep saying want them dead?
Tae and Star’s story:
• Abuse - childhood• Rejection - given away for adoption• Change - new home• Acceptance - new careers• Rejection - alone in on the cold, dark, long haul flight• Change - new home• Rejection - my mom• Acceptance - she comes to see them as part of the family• Change - new tank
Do you think Tae and Star are:
Unhappy Victims, or
Happy :turtle: Turtles?
What story do you imagine they tell themselves?
Because your story determines your emotions, which determines how you experience life.
I’ve spent many years learning and working with my mentor to see through to my subconscious and unconscious, to bring things to the conscious level, so that I can rewrite my experience.
It’s what I do each day for my clients, so they can rewrite theirs.
Like this morning with my client, Chris, who reached out to me at midnight. She couldn’t sleep because she was so disappointed in herself, for a job well done.
She broke all molds and pulled off something so stunningly successful at work, her colleagues are jealous and everyone wants a piece of the pie
The key part of the event, the part that would “sell” the clients most, was the most popular segment with the audience.
And… she’s already signed her first big client from the event.
But instead of being happy, she went from sending me happy photos of her successful event, to spending all day consumed by her thoughts that she’s a failure. So much so she even cried in front of her boss telling him she was a loser - when all he had for her was praise.
Where did this all come from?
Well… there was one small part of the client event that was not fully orchestrated, so she had to ad lib a bit.
“It should be perfect and it wasn’t perfect. I didn’t do a good job promoting the company. I failed at my job.”
Happiness is all in our mind.
So I reminded her…
What’s the goal of the client event?
To impress her clients + to show her boss what she’s capable of
→ to get more business
→ to advance her own career and paycheque.
Done.
What about the ad lib part?
No one noticed.
No one cared.
The actual problem?
Chris is not living with her mother, but Chris’ mother still lives in her head.
Nit-picking and criticizing every single thing she does.
Which makes it very easy for Chris’ loser/victim ego identity to rule her life.
Chris’ ego LOVES to continue her victim story.
Chris calmed down and was finally able to see her actual reality, without her Victim/Loser lens.
Finally, she shut down those crazy thoughts in her mind.
Finally, she could have some peace, and sleep well.
How you feel, how you see yourself and the world, your emotional state is often not entirely from the state of our life, but the lens you use to see. And that’s also your blind spot (the lens, by nature) is invisible to you.
It’s my job to help identify it, point it out to you, and help you take off your lens, so you can finally choose to create the life you want, the emotions you want to feel.
Do you really enjoy being miserable?
I certainly don’t.
I’ll take Victor over Victim any day.
How about you?
𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝟮 𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗺𝗲:
1. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗥𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗽 𝗰𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺 : I’m working on our next Relationships That Work Program intake, tentatively scheduled for September launch. If you’re interested to transform your home and work relationships to transform your life, DM me.
2. 𝟭:𝟭 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: I work with a highly select group of senior leaders to help you get the clarity, strategy and take action to create the life you want. I’m opening up 2 spots in September, DM me if you’re interested.
-𝗡𝗮𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗲
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